Friday, September 24, 2010
"Mr. and Mrs. Smith" another "ezer" email
"I, _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God."
Millions of men and women have taken this oath, upon enlistment into the US Armed Forces. Before entering into any training for war, both their allegiance and the priorities that will guide the ensuing battles have been established by these two sentences, uttered with right hand raised.
Consider for a moment how this simple, yet powerful oath, may be an appropriate model for entering into the battlefield of spiritual warfare in our marriages, families, and relationships. What/whom are we to support and defend on this earth? Whom are we to obey? What regulations govern these activities? And who ultimately is the only one who can help us in this fight?
“I, Jennifer, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend Eric, Caleb, Greer against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to them; and that I will obey the orders of God the Father Almighty, according to His Holy Word. So help me God.”
What enemies do my husband and children have? Our accuser, of course. This fallen and sinful world. Even fallen and sinful people. We are all surrounded and in need of support and defense.
The words that really drew me to this oath in the first place are foreign or domestic. We have been assailed by both these types of enemy lately.
Foreign attacks occur around here all the time: a bully on the playground, an opposing attorney who takes a pot-shot at Eric, even the recorded political calls that ALWAYS seem to come just as we are trying to sit down together for a family meal. In some of these, my role is to support. I certainly do not need to call the other attorney, and give him a piece of my mind, or give the playground bully a taste of his own medicine...tempting, as that sounds. I support through my listening and understanding, holding and loving, and when appropriate by speaking Biblical truth into these situations. At times, I am called to defend in the earthly realm (telling the telemarketer to put our number on the no-call list, asking the teacher for help with the playground bully, rebuking a friend for spreading harmful gossip, etc.) But my main defense takes place in the spiritual realm, through prayer. I am called to support and defend my husband, my children, my friends, through prayer. And, just as in battle, the best defense is set into place before the attack begins. How many thousands more casualties would there be, if the army did not have its defenses prepared ahead of time...at ALL times.
What about the domestic part of that oath, though? “against all enemies, foreign and domestic” Greer clobbers Caleb with a naked Barbie...clearly a domestic attack, which requires support and defending. Caleb gets a smart mouth with me and refuses to obey...boy I’d better be supported and defended here! But let’s look closer. Let’s look at the domestic enemy that is even closer than a family member and nearer than our own home. Often the domestic attack is happening inside oneself. Our sinful nature begins to get the upper hand, and we find that we are beginning to lose sight of the gospel in our own hearts. We begin to fall back into old patterns of relying on our own reason and intellect to get us through a particular situation, instead of going to God in prayer, and then can’t figure out why we are so depressed and hopeless. There are countless ways that we all struggle in this “domestic” realm, and my family, in particular, has had a rough go of it lately.
A question that has really plagued me is how to support and defend in these situations, especially as a submissive wife? As the spiritual head of this family, and the priest of our home, isn’t it my husband’s role to take the wheel here? He is God’s authority over me, so ideally, yes. God has set up the authority structure that way, and we are to adhere to it. But, what if the “deep blue funk,” as the Garfield comics put it, has come to settle upon my husband? Am I to support and defend against all enemies foreign, but not domestic? It’s definitely more comfortable that way. We probably all know the teeter-totter feeling of tiptoeing around on eggshells (3 metaphors in one sentence!) during a particularly rough time. He doesn’t want to talk about it. Or, maybe he doesn’t even see it. Do I say something? I don’t want to be a nagging wife, but I can tell when he is believing a lie. I can see when the gospel has been momentarily supplanted by a lie of the enemy...God really doesn’t care. He’s hung me out to dry, and He’s not going to rescue me this time. I’m foolish to have believed that He would meet our needs. It’s really all up to me, and I am failing. When it’s typed out in black and white, the lies are so easy to spot. But, when they are entangled around our hearts and minds like so much kudzu, it’s hard to lift our heads out of what we see and back up to what we know.
I spent many years of our marriage floundering about what to do when tough situations arose. How do I help my husband when he is suffering? How do I support and defend him? How do I bring him back to the gospel, when the accuser is working against him? I’m sure I came across as Sybil, trying every approach I could think of:
Millions of men and women have taken this oath, upon enlistment into the US Armed Forces. Before entering into any training for war, both their allegiance and the priorities that will guide the ensuing battles have been established by these two sentences, uttered with right hand raised.
Consider for a moment how this simple, yet powerful oath, may be an appropriate model for entering into the battlefield of spiritual warfare in our marriages, families, and relationships. What/whom are we to support and defend on this earth? Whom are we to obey? What regulations govern these activities? And who ultimately is the only one who can help us in this fight?
“I, Jennifer, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend Eric, Caleb, Greer against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to them; and that I will obey the orders of God the Father Almighty, according to His Holy Word. So help me God.”
What enemies do my husband and children have? Our accuser, of course. This fallen and sinful world. Even fallen and sinful people. We are all surrounded and in need of support and defense.
The words that really drew me to this oath in the first place are foreign or domestic. We have been assailed by both these types of enemy lately.
Foreign attacks occur around here all the time: a bully on the playground, an opposing attorney who takes a pot-shot at Eric, even the recorded political calls that ALWAYS seem to come just as we are trying to sit down together for a family meal. In some of these, my role is to support. I certainly do not need to call the other attorney, and give him a piece of my mind, or give the playground bully a taste of his own medicine...tempting, as that sounds. I support through my listening and understanding, holding and loving, and when appropriate by speaking Biblical truth into these situations. At times, I am called to defend in the earthly realm (telling the telemarketer to put our number on the no-call list, asking the teacher for help with the playground bully, rebuking a friend for spreading harmful gossip, etc.) But my main defense takes place in the spiritual realm, through prayer. I am called to support and defend my husband, my children, my friends, through prayer. And, just as in battle, the best defense is set into place before the attack begins. How many thousands more casualties would there be, if the army did not have its defenses prepared ahead of time...at ALL times.
What about the domestic part of that oath, though? “against all enemies, foreign and domestic” Greer clobbers Caleb with a naked Barbie...clearly a domestic attack, which requires support and defending. Caleb gets a smart mouth with me and refuses to obey...boy I’d better be supported and defended here! But let’s look closer. Let’s look at the domestic enemy that is even closer than a family member and nearer than our own home. Often the domestic attack is happening inside oneself. Our sinful nature begins to get the upper hand, and we find that we are beginning to lose sight of the gospel in our own hearts. We begin to fall back into old patterns of relying on our own reason and intellect to get us through a particular situation, instead of going to God in prayer, and then can’t figure out why we are so depressed and hopeless. There are countless ways that we all struggle in this “domestic” realm, and my family, in particular, has had a rough go of it lately.
A question that has really plagued me is how to support and defend in these situations, especially as a submissive wife? As the spiritual head of this family, and the priest of our home, isn’t it my husband’s role to take the wheel here? He is God’s authority over me, so ideally, yes. God has set up the authority structure that way, and we are to adhere to it. But, what if the “deep blue funk,” as the Garfield comics put it, has come to settle upon my husband? Am I to support and defend against all enemies foreign, but not domestic? It’s definitely more comfortable that way. We probably all know the teeter-totter feeling of tiptoeing around on eggshells (3 metaphors in one sentence!) during a particularly rough time. He doesn’t want to talk about it. Or, maybe he doesn’t even see it. Do I say something? I don’t want to be a nagging wife, but I can tell when he is believing a lie. I can see when the gospel has been momentarily supplanted by a lie of the enemy...God really doesn’t care. He’s hung me out to dry, and He’s not going to rescue me this time. I’m foolish to have believed that He would meet our needs. It’s really all up to me, and I am failing. When it’s typed out in black and white, the lies are so easy to spot. But, when they are entangled around our hearts and minds like so much kudzu, it’s hard to lift our heads out of what we see and back up to what we know.
I spent many years of our marriage floundering about what to do when tough situations arose. How do I help my husband when he is suffering? How do I support and defend him? How do I bring him back to the gospel, when the accuser is working against him? I’m sure I came across as Sybil, trying every approach I could think of:
- Just listen, don’t say a word came across as she doesn’t understand or even care
- Distract him with pleasures worked very well in the short-term but never helped the situation in any sustainable way
- Tell him what the Bible says about it came across as preaching or even insulting his Biblical knowledge to assume he didn’t know that verse already
- Sharing a similar situation that I had made it through came across as everything has to be about YOU, doesn’t it?
I had finally given up on trying to play Sybil and decided that it’s God’s job and I was going to butt out, when something incredible happened. It always amazes me when God uses something totally secular to speak an eternal truth into my life, and He did it again that week. Eric and I were watching our all-time favorite movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I know, I know...Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie met on the set, had an affair, and he subsequently left Jennifer Aniston, and I shouldn’t watch it on principle, because everyone knows Jennifer Aniston is much sweeter, and Angie is just weird. BUT...hold judgment, until you hear the rest of the story. I can’t really summarize the entire movie here, but basically it is all a commentary on marriage. The couple are in counseling, but it is all a sham. The marriage is a sham. They know nothing of one another’s identities, and they have spent the entire 5/6 years of their marriage fighting against each other, rather than for each other. There is a scene at the end of the film, in which Mr. and Mrs. Smith are both under attack. Machine guns are aimed, grenades are launching, and they are working together for the first time in their marriage. As the camera pans around them, you see the couple take their defensive posture, guns drawn, back to back. And I realized, this is where I belong in my marriage. Back to back. Eric I don’t fight much face to face, but we’ve done a lot of shoulder to shoulder combat. “How ya’ doin over there?” “This situation over here is kicking my butt, but I’m hanging in. How’s your fight going?” We might lean in for a kiss, during a quick cease-fire, but generally we are fighting our own battles side by side. What would it look like if we fought back to back?...us against the world, I’ve got your back, and you’ve got mine.
And so I began to pray. I prayed for healing and comfort for my husband, I prayed for God to woo him with His love. I prayed for an eternal perspective that would lift Eric’s gaze from our momentary troubles up to the face of our Savior. I didn’t preach, I didn’t distract (well maybe a little,) I didn’t ignore, I didn’t pipe up with a similar story. I prayed. And the gospel came pouring out of my life. Not out of my mouth per say, but out of my life. I began spending mornings at the piano, praising God and singing of his marvelous character. I started spending much of my non-mommy time reading and studying the Word, and it began to spread like a fragrance throughout our home. A few weeks later...yes weeks...we all kissed goodbye, and Eric did the morning carpool on his way to the office. I sat at the piano, singing and praising for about 20 minutes, before I realized someone was in the room. You know that prickly feeling on the back of your neck, when you just know that someone is there? I glanced up, and Eric was standing there in the living room. “I just had to come back. I knew that you would be singing, and I need to hear you.” As he had a seat on the sofa, I resumed playing Worthy is the Lamb who was slain. Holy, holy is He. Sing a new song to Him who sits on heaven’s mercy seat. Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing, “praise to the King of Kings.” You are my everything, and I will adore You. With hands uplifted, Eric’s heart was restored. God had moved, and nothing moves like God. A move like this is God’s job, not mine, and I am so glad that I “butted out” in the natural realm. But what if I had not continued to support and defend in the spiritual realm? I felt in that moment what it was like to truly “have” my husband’s back. The way was prepared for this move of God, as in Isaiah 40:3 A voice of one calling: “In the desert prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God.” Eric had been supported and defended against all enemies, foreign and domestic, by a loving wife who would not back down. His back was covered, by the defensive posture of prayer, and I had fire support raining down upon the enemy, as I sang the praises of our awesome God. May we never back down from our holy role of ezer kenegdo, and always fight for our husbands...back to back!
Love to you, my ezer kenegdo ladies!
--J
Favorite Quotes from Mr. and Mrs. Smith, in no particular order:
John Smith: Your aim's as bad as your cooking sweetheart... and that's saying something!
[about the new curtains Jane bought]
Jane Smith: If you don't like them we can take them back.
John Smith: All right, I don't like them.
Jane Smith: [pause] You'll get used to them.
Marriage Counselor: How often do you have sex?
Jane Smith: I don't understand the question
Jane Smith: There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we *don't* say to each other. What's that called?
Marriage Counselor: Marriage.
John Smith: We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being.
John Smith: [at the marriage counselor's] OK, I'll go first. Um... Let me say, uh, we don't really need to be here. See, we've been married for five years.
Jane Smith: Six.
John Smith: [chastened] Five, six years.
John Smith: Dance with me.
Jane Smith: You don't dance.
John Smith: It was just my cover, sweetheart.
Jane Smith: Was sloth your cover, too?
John Smith: We're going to have to re-do every conversation we've ever had
John Smith: [about how many people they have killed in their careers] How many? Ok... I'll go first, then. I don't keep exact count, but I'd say, uh, high 50s, low 60s. I mean, I know I've been around the block an all, but...
Jane Smith: 312.
John Smith: What? How?
Jane Smith: Some were two at a time.
John Smith: [during a car chase] I never told you, but I was married once before.
Jane Smith: [slams on the brakes]
John Smith: What's wrong with you?
Jane Smith: [hitting John] You're what's wrong with me John.
John Smith: It was just a drunken Vegas thing.
Jane Smith: Oh, that's better. That's *much* better.
[pause]
Jane Smith: What's her name and social security number?
John Smith: No, you're not gonna kill her.
Jane Smith: My parents died when I was five. I'm an orphan.
John Smith: Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?
Jane Smith: Paid actor.
John Smith: I said, I said I saw your dad on "Fantasy Island"!
Jane Smith: Wait, why do I get the girl gun?
John Smith: Are you kidding me?
John Smith: [after having accidentally shot at his wife, Mr. Smith is on the roof of her car while she's trying to throw him off] Come on, let's talk about this! You don't want to go to bed angry
John Smith: Careful, Jane. I can push the button any time I like.
Jane Smith: Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.
